Missing Vernacular
American culture is still catching up vernacularly to the social age, especially around the more “passionate” exchanges. As shown by past cultures, this can blind a culture from recognizing or worse from managing an issue. The Hopi, for example, had no word-for, nor instance-of suicide prior to the word’s introduction into their language. Two terms around online-dynamics are lacking in popular culture:
- Gaslighting
- Empath-Narcissist Dynamic
Gaslighting
An example of gaslighting is stating inflammatory things as fact to hook others into attacking the gaslighter’s thoughts, feeling and actions rather than frame and assess the situation independently. Often gaslighting is done unconsciously. The approach works because only the gaslighter can control their thoughts, feeling, and actions. So even if all interactions are hostile, the narcissist is in control since the other side has unconsciously agreed to stick to the narcissist’s agenda. For better or worse: the oil industry around Global Warming, Trump on everything, and both sides of congress use this effectively. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gaslighting
Empath-Narcissist Dynamic
Empath-Narcissist Dynamic. Gaslighting is an example of this. This dynamic is fueled by the empath’s unconscious handicap: they do not know what they want or need; so the empath either placates or attacks the narcissist’s agenda, rather than come up with their own approach. From the narcissist “thought bubble”, where being taken care of is the norm, it can be quite confusing to watch the unpredictable and volatile behavior as the empath flips in and out of co-dependency. In this unwritten agreement, the empath gets structure at the expense of their stated goal as well as they avoid facing their needs and wants. The empath accomplishes this by focusing 100% on changing/belittling the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the narcissist, while neglecting their own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Meanwhile the narcissist doesn’t have to take care of themselves or anyone else for a while. They are often confused in their dysfunctional world when things come to an explosive end. Since culturally, we respect all handicaps but brain handicaps, this dynamic and the lack of responsibility of the empath is supported by the belief that somehow the narcissist can change. A great video series on this dynamic starts with – https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwZ4OR_mioI
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